RIP, Little Sister

I’ll post other pictures later, but this is how I most—and in many ways most want to—remember my little sister Beki: happy, good-natured, and a little mischievous, the way she was for all the years she was given.

Being five years younger than me, Beki was always a little girl in my mind. I tried to protect her until I moved out of the house and our lives took separate paths for too many years. I will never forgive myself for not protecting her more, for not knowing more about the protection she needed then.

I tried, in the last 10 years, to make up for effectively abandoning her while I figured out a life for myself separate from the influences of her father’s (my adopted dad’s) side of the family. I couldn’t think of any way other than cutting them all off completely…and that ended up including her too.

She never blamed me. That wasn’t Beki’s way. She fought and found her path. She was a mom three-times over, biologically, and “mom” to the many more she took care of at different times. She was an artist. She could fix anything (she had all of the mechanical gifts I did not). She was fierce and stubborn. She was generous even when she had not. She lived in the present. She had a real chuckle and a half-fake laugh that- sounded just like our mom’s, our grandma’s, and our great grandma’s. No one else has that laugh I miss so much.

Most of all, though, Beki was my little sister, with all the simplicity and complexity that implies, and she is gone far too soon.

RIP, little sister. I love you, no matter how far.

7 thoughts on “RIP, Little Sister”

  1. Tae'Lorane Anderson

    Rest in peace mamma jimma and I both love you so so much I’m so greatful you are no longer in pain a d suffering, it was way too soon but the good Lord new he needed you as one of his beautiful angels so spread your big beautiful angel wings mamma and fligh high I know your watching over us all.
    We Love you momma Love your little wing nut and Breann
    No Matter how far

    1. Hi. My name is Summer. I used to be your moms friend. We share the same middle name. Praying for you today. I am so sorry about your mom. I have many wonderful memories of her from when we were younger ❤️❤️

  2. Alanna Walburn

    My mom was and will always be my best friend. I could always talk to her about anything in the world. She was always there for me no matter what was going on. She was the best mother anyone could ever get. I will miss her every second of every day. I do not know how people can lose a mother, and continue on. It seems impossible. The amount of pain is unbearable at the moment. But, her words ring in my ears as my heart breaks a little more with each passing minute. She talked to me about her passing. She said “I do not want you to feel sad, to cry, to give up, I do not want you to break. I know where I am going and I am at peace and am ready to go. Know that I will always be with you, even if you can’t see me or hear me or feel me, I will never leave you.” She had said she is ready to see grandma and great grandma and Toby again. That she will be waiting for me. She fought for so long, she was the strongest woman I have ever known. I wish I had just a fraction of her strength and courage to be able to handle this and cope with losing her. I found a cool quarter today. I was really excited. Then I started to cry because I realized that my first thought after finding it was that I needed to call her and show her the coin. It took me a moment to remember that I can no longer do that. A huge part of my heart went with her. That I will not get back. That missing piece will always hurt. But I know that she is happy now, she’s not in pain, she’s not ill and she is with family and Toby. She is also here with all of us. I will find you in any lifetime mommy. I promise. She had once told me that we will find a way to communicate and I pray that that is true. She was truly the most amazing, kind, loving and caring human on the planet. I hope to follow the path that she has left behind. I love you mom, no matter how far. This life and the next.
    Love your LueBug

  3. Chris. I’m heartbroken to hear of Beki. She was a wonderful human. All my memories of her are good ones. Thank you for writing this about her. I’m thinking about you during this time..

  4. Dear Chris and all,

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of a sister and a mother and a friend. She sounds like a wonderful person. Wishing you all strength and comfort in this time. May she travel gently on.

  5. Chris,
    I’m so sorry 💔😥
    I have no real words of comfort as I know how little words mean at a time like this. You’ve been in my thoughts these last months but I know that’s no comfort either. I will call soon to check on you. Just know I wish like hell I could do more.
    Love you. Here if you wanna vent or chat.

  6. Chris,

    I am so very sorry. I’m glad you loved your sister. It’s not always easy when the family becomes a crazy quilt as yours and mine did, but I’m happy you had that.

    You’ve suffered a lot of loss, lately. I know how it feels…and I don’t like it. I think it oughta slow down a bit. As this rate I will never complete my Swedish Death Cleaning before it’s my turn.

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