Remember Voyager

You’re barely beyond the grasp of our small sun refusing to let go. Wave goodbye to our last, demoted planet. Next stop: Alpha Centauri proximity, year 19600 AD. In the time it took humans to evolve from neanderthal to digital lemming you’ll cross the lawn to say hello to our next-door neighbor. If there’s life there that resembles your gold-etched humans, they’ll be more human than I. Here I carry a practical supercomputer in my pocket that can connect to Dial-a-Prayer across 13,000 miles, guided by a cranial electric storm, while mapping the walk where I tripped over a lost, tilted grave. You cross 13,000 miles in a fraction of a second, steered by a computer less powerful than a Pac Man watch. Who knows what seed you carry. I fell to Earth before you left our atmosphere. Blink three times if you miss me.

2xl: 2016-01-18

It takes 11 lbs of force to strangle a human being.

A bit more weight than a bag of sugar or a gallon-and-a-half of milk.

Or 20 average paperback romance novels.

Or 22 hard drives with 9 million songs or 6 million books or god knows how many ones and zeroes that can be forced to squeak and bleat into the unending silence.

The Gripmaster Pro ™ requires 11 lbs of force per finger, “appropriate only for individuals requiring extreme and extraordinary grasping power.”

The NYPD modifies their service firearms to a 12-pound trigger pull.

In 2012, NYPD police officers wounded 9 bystanders outside the Empire State Building; there were no superheroes in sight.

Your choice: the Beretta Model 455 SXS Express Rifle with walnut hand-checkered grip and fore-end, side-lock action, case-hardened finish and double triggers or the Ithaca Model 37 Deerslayer II pump shotgun.

Take home that 11-lb turkey…143 minutes in the oven and 11 greasy-forks picking at the carcass.

An old rule of thumb: when a baby reaches 11 lbs they’ll start to sleep more soundly at night.

Khloé Kardashian reveals how she lost 11 lbs in a month!

I’ve lost at least 11 lbs on at least 11 diets including low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie and the cabbage soup plan.

But the 11lb bullfrog is just a myth, the Internet tells me (but the Internet tells me a lot of things).

A newly-hatched Sauropod, a dinosaur known for its immense size, weighed around 11 pounds, about as much as a housecat.

Maybe you’re more comfortable thinking of this as 5 kilograms or 3/4 of a stone.

I can curl an 11-lb dumbbell 192 times in a row…and counting.

Reported time of application to unconsciousness due to strangulation range from 7 seconds to a minute.

He nailed a rope to a beam on his patio.

She tried to drive away.

The most important things weigh nothing at all.

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